men have biological clocks too. when marie left it felt like someone hit mine with a big hammer. I'm 39 years old I should have started my family lomg ago,. but I was stuck taking care of my mother and watching her drinking problem get worse and worse. meanwhile the voice of my biological clock was screaming louder and louder. and just when I got to a point where I could start making some real progress on getting my own life together marie dumps me. I realize that she did what she felt she had to do, but every time I blame myself for wasting my life my voice is the one that tells me what a failure I am.

I've got to work alost 70 hours this week. The only reason I have to live is to keep working. I hate myself. maybe I won't wake up this time.

i know that many of you are curious about me of late, so here's the short version. I am in love with marie. i took her for granted she left. I  'm glad that she has finally found a relationship that gives her everything she wants, and I hope that her life continues tto be a happy one. As for me, my life has no meaning with out her. I know that no one wants me to die but I don't want to live tis way any more. Every day I  pray that god will send her back to me or at least that I won't have to wake up the bext day, but every day I wake up and she's not there.

Current Mood: crushed